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Welcome to The Internet Said Sothe best thing since fairy bread for small business owners to actually read advice worth reading.


The Internet is one giant fuzzball of shitty advice and stupid cat memes.


I should know. I’ve wasted approximately 98.0999898% of my time scouring the internet for way too many things. And here’s what I hate about the internet:


1.  Every woman and her dog has a website. And a Facebook account. And an Instagram account. Which wouldn’t be so bad if 90% of them were actually good.



2. Nigerian Princes.



3. It’s like crack. So addictive. I’m pretty sure the hand therapy business is going to be boomin’ soon. #carpaltunnelforlife



4. It’s bloody hard to recognise which is real advice or regurgitated bullshit. 



There’s a lot of fluffy nonsense out there. Particularly in the business/ branding/ marketing/ B2B world. You know those posts about how to make $xxxxxx in a month and all that shit? Yeah, that shit. Some of it’s great, informative and super helpful. Most are not.



Anyway.  The thing is that super great, informative helpful stuff needs to be found. So I’m introducing a little tongue-in-cheek column to share these worthy finds with you – covering the shit you need to know in order to develop a profitable business and a kick ass online presence. And a possibly a few things that are worthy of a laugh or two, because we all know how fuckin’ insane we can get running a business. 



I’m basically going to do the dirty work for you. And honestly, it’s also an effort to stop writing ‘regurgitated’ blog posts (I mean, I write some damn good posts but frankly, a lot of informative ones you could find elsewhere. Don’t hate me.). Instead of adding to blending in with the masses, it makes more sense to collate the best of the best so you can spend more time actually implementing what you read. Because dahling, we know it’s not how many blogs you read that gets the results you want.


Without further ado, here’s what the Internet said this week:


// Gotta love a bald guy with a grey beard waiting impatiently for you. You’ve also gotta love a site that pours out literally hundreds of blog posts ideas based on a keyword of your choice. Answer The Public is the raddest free tool that uses Google and Bing to find out exactly what your peeps are asking when they get their Google on. Cue stacks of ideas to actually help your audience. Just make sure you write appropriate, interesting, super helpful shit ok?


// Snapchat is so hot right now. But it’s a pain in the arse to find people. Here’s how they’re making it easier for you to make more snappy friends. Also, add me: ktoholka. Please. Ta. Thanks. 


// A title that has jerk in it? Fuck yes. I’m heading to New York in May to attend the 99u conference and found this goodie on their site: The Braggart’s Dilemma: How to Promote Yourself Without Being a Jerk. And one of the suggestions includes having a wingman. Praise the Internet Gods!


//  Speaking of wingmen and wingwomen, becoming buddies with influencers is a smart move. I love Molly Ford Beck’s take on how to make this happen. Simplicity is so sexy.


// Questioning why I’m not living in New York when there’s events like this. If only it was in the same week as the 99u Conference…


// Because you took Molly Beck Ford’s advice and now you’re wondering how to contact some rad peeps. This article gives a few ideas on subject headings for your brave emails. Go you wild thing! 


// I have a lady boner for Ash Ambirge (her I Hate Mondays series inspired this column actually).  And her article on 21 must-memorise responses for handling awkward client conversation is a freakin’ delight. Freelancers will drool over this one for sure.


// I’m a wannabe American and it’s probably why I love The Skimm. But if you want to follow the latest on the Presidential race, and any big issue worth reporting, get your daily fix with the Skimm. Better than all the nonsense you read on Facebook. On a side note, this is email marketing done right. #fuckthenewsletter


// This guy managed to weave the word sexy and admit his love for Adele in this post about email marketing. Ok dude, I’m listening.  Email deliverability sounds so-not-sexy but he’s done well to keep me entertained right to the end. Point #3 is fascinating – basically how to stagger your emails to your list to make your ISP fall in love with you.  Which is a good thing, apparently. Thanks Internet.


// Stuck on how to open a blog post? This article gives you 10 examples that are catchy and interesting. Because interesting is what you need to be, duh.


// Books won’t ever die. Truth. Publishing houses on the other hand? No idea. They definitely need to shake things up a bit – mainly because they are so slow. It can take up to two years to get your book out. Yuck. Amy Lynn Andrews shares why she turned down a book deal and went down the self-publishing route instead.


And there it was. The Internet said some pretty rad things this week.


Until next time,


Love Humans.